(Excerpted from the forthcoming Waking Up to the Heart of Care)

Many years ago, at your high school dance, you sat on the edge of the dance floor, soaking in a strangely intense mixture of longing and anxiety.

You were longing to be a part of the dancing masses, smiling, laughing and writhing so carefree. You were also anxious for all the same reasons, because to get off your chair meant you would also be exposed and vulnerable to rejection and ridicule.

So there you sat, waiting, hoping…

Maybe you were watching another sideline sitter, who was also watching with longing and anxiety, sitting and waiting, hoping…

You imagined approaching them a hundred times, playing out a hundred different scenarios in your unkind mind, each ending in your rejection and humiliation.

So you sat there waiting, hoping …

Occasionally, you came close to standing up and risking it, your courage almost overcoming your fear. But the waves of discomfort and fear were always a bit stronger, and the thoughts in your head never allowed you to imagine how easy it could be, and how wonderful if could be.

Instead, you remember that one terrible night not long ago when you did risk it, when you did stand up and step forward, and you NEVER want that to happen again. So instead, you sit safely on the edge of the dance floor soaking in a strange mixture of longing and anxiety.

The DJ announces last dance and, finally overcome by a sense of urgency you leap to your feet and begin frantically looking for the one you have planned to approach. Your eyes are darting as you sift through the happy faces, all connected in teams of two, partnered in pairs, holding hands…

You’re still looking for that one as the music starts and everyone comes together, everyone except you it seems.

You rush back to your seat, partially relieved because, “I didn’t really want to dance anyway” you tell yourself. You even mock the ones on the dance floor, resenting them while also secretly longing…

Now, many years later, you find yourself sitting on the edge of the dance floor of the Great Dance of Life, waiting, hoping…

dancefloor

The DJ is about to announce the last dance.

What are you going to do?

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